Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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