please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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