I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
