Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
