She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
