Plan B is the new Plan A
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
