i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
