I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
