I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
