yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize