Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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