I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
