Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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