youre lurking in front of me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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