I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
