I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
