I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
