don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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