i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
