im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
