Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Plan B is the new Plan A
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize