well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
