you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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