whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize