So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i out mim tonsoeep
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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