I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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