4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
