I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
