someone threw a dead crab at me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
