I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
