Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You pole danced in your parka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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