I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am available for nakedness
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
