I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
