He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
