What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
