I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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