it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
