god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
