Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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