feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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