She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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