his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
