please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
