spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
