Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
