i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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