how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
