No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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