tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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