WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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