I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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