Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
