Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's shark week go big or go home
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
