I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
