A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
