i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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