my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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