Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
