i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
