The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
