you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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