party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
