I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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