my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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