Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
