so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
