I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
