your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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