sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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